I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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