Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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