I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
