So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
