great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
