Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
