I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
