She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
