I wish my penis had an off switch
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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