Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
