is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's never too late to be topless.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
