and you said cock pushups were impossible
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
