I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize