Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
