Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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