3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
