Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
