Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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