Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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