I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If I die, sorry about rent.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
This couple is walking their pig around campus
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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