things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
