Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
