I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
