a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
