my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
