so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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