He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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