When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
