he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
