He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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