I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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