i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
