I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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