omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
