If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
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