Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
