how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Congratulations! We have a period
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