Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
