they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
