Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
