yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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