Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
