just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
