ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
