Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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