he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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