I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
