whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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