just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
