So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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