eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
