THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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