I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
