Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
