Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize