She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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