Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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