first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
