How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
