I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I need moral support for this bender
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
