That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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