I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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