When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
