I should be sponsored by Trojan
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Blow job season was short but glorious.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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