wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
