ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
