I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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