You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
