Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
