I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
