i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
