I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
