I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
