you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
