ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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