If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize