I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
