This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
