True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
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