well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
